The holidays don’t have to be perfect

We can feel pressure to create meaningful, joyful celebrations. Yet even when everything appears perfect on the outside, grief may still show up. Allow yourself to be present as you are, without expectations or self-judgment. Some days will feel heavier than others — that’s normal.

Be intentional and open to change

Traditions can bring comfort, but they can also feel painful when someone is missing. Ask yourself: What is the heart of this tradition? Connection? Faith? Memory? Generosity? Consider adapting old routines or creating new ones that reflect where you are now. Meaning can evolve over time.

Practice saying no

Grieving takes emotional, physical, and mental energy. If your schedule feels overwhelming, give yourself permission to decline invitations or step away from activities that feel too demanding this year. Prioritizing what matters most protects your energy and well-being.

Plan time for yourself

Quiet time, rest, reflection, or simply stepping away from a gathering can make a big difference. Scheduling breaks or building in slower days may help you cope when the season feels busy or emotionally charged.

Reach out for support

Grief can feel isolating, even when surrounded by others. While family and friends may be supportive, you may also benefit from connecting with trained grief support volunteers or professionals. Chilliwack Hospice Society offers free, one-to-one grief support as well as group programs. You don’t have to navigate this alone.

Make room for both grief and joy

It is common to feel complex emotions: sadness, gratitude, longing, laughter, love. Some people worry that enjoying the holidays means they are “moving on” or forgetting their loved one. Joy does not erase grief. Both feelings can co-exist, and both are valid.

Honour your loved one in meaningful ways

Finding gentle ways to remember your loved one can offer comfort. You might:

• Cook a favourite recipe
• Display a special ornament or keepsake
• Light a candle
• Share stories with people who are comfortable listening
• Create a private ritual just for you

There is no right or wrong way to grieve someone you miss.

You are not alone

The holidays can be tender, painful, meaningful, or bittersweet, sometimes all at once. Be gentle with yourself as you move through the season. Consider visiting us for Celebrate A Life at Minter Country Garden or Thrifty Boutique, attend our Holiday Movie Matinee on December 12, or participating in our Coffee & Compassion Drop-In Grief Support Circle, December 15. You’ll be in good company.

Chilliwack Hospice Society is a community-based organization that helps individuals and families dealing with dying and death through support, education, and programs that promote wellness and healthy grieving.

Each year many of the youngest bereavement support clients at Chilliwack Hospice Society are invited to experience a day of reflection, remembrance, and resilience in the company of gentle giants, the beautiful horses who reside at Freedom Reins Equine Connections in Yarrow and their friends through connections of ranch owner, Dora Isaak. The welcome circle under a tent donated by RE/MAX Nyda Realty, included a game of ‘The North Wind Blows’ which made clear the many commonalities shared, including the loss of someone special, by each of the children present. After which, each child shared a story about the person they were remembering and attached a photo of them to a wall of remembrance. Following some safety instructions from Isaak, children were divided into their groups and sent to their first activity station.

As always, the most popular area was the ring where horseback riding was taking place. Children donned their helmets and riding boots to ride one of the beauties at Freedom Reins, many for the first time. Led by caring volunteers, children placed a heart sticker on the fence or on the horse with their loved one’s name on it. Intimate conversations between horse and rider took place, some tears were shed, and many smiles shone as the children rode around the ring and between obstacles along the course.

Other activities included grooming the horses, painting pictures and words on their bodies, and learning about the emotional intelligence of these incredible animals. Another station for creative expression encouraged children to paint their feelings on canvas and paper. Time for guided reflection was facilitated in the stables where grief was explored through various mediums including Play-Doh, books, rock painting, and more time spent with the calmest, understanding horses.

This year’s event was dedicated to the memory of Hills’ nephew, Andy, who died when he was five-years old. The family of the special boy said in a written statement that he reminded them to “be in the moment, that the ordinary can be special, and that connection with one another is a gift.” In honour of Andy’s great taste, and in support of gathering to grieve and celebrate loved ones who have died, pizza was generously provided by Jim’s Pizzeria, ice cream treats were kindly donated by Superstore and Save-on-Foods (Promontory), and a package of waffle mix was sent home with every family with love from Anita’s Organic Mill.

Equine connections is just one of many programs Chilliwack Hospice Society facilitates for bereaved children and youth in Chilliwack and the surrounding communities. One-to-one supports, in-school outreach, and grief support groups are offered throughout the year to children, pre-teens, and teens free of charge. To learn more about the Chilliwack Hospice Society Child and Youth Program, contact program manager Franceska Hills at (604) 795-4660 or go to https://www.chilliwackhospice.org/programs-and-services/child-and-youth/

The Japanese art of Kintsugi and embraces imperfections and flaws by highlighting the scars with gold.  Using this as a metaphor for healing ourselves teaches us an important lesson: Sometimes in the process of repairing things that have broken, we create something more unique, beautiful, and resilient. To add an extra special touch, a marigold has been planted in each of the repaired pottery vessels.  The marigold was chosen because of its symbolic significance for so many cultures.  Around the world, the marigold is recognized as a symbol of good luck, sunshine, happiness, honoring the ending of things, and accepting the death of a loved one. Marigolds were generously donated by Little Mountain Garden Centre & Florist.