One in 14 children in Canada will experience the death of a parent or sibling by the age of 18. Childhood grief may present differently from adult grief. Children may not have the vocabulary or emotional tools to fully express their feelings, leading some adults to assume they’re “doing fine.” However, grief in children is often masked by behavioural changes, changes in academic performance, or physical symptoms like stomach aches and headaches. As caregivers, friends, and community members, we need to recognize these signs and provide spaces where children feel safe to explore and express their emotions.

This is where Chilliwack Hospice Society’s Child and Youth Programs comes into play. We offer specialized support designed to help children navigate their grief journey. By engaging in activities such as art, bibliotherapy, and gaming, we provide kids with creative outlets to express their feelings and ask questions in a way that feels safe and natural to them.

Franceska Hills, Child and Youth Program Manager at Chilliwack Hospice Society, explains, “Grief in children often looks very different from grief in adults. It’s sometimes described as puddle jumping — children leap in and out of their grief just like they jump in and out of puddles. One moment, they might dive into their emotions, splashing around in their sadness or confusion, and the next, they hop back out, retreating to a space where they can feel safe and steady again. This cycle repeats, allowing them to process their emotions bit by bit. At times, they may appear untouched by the loss, going about their day as if nothing has changed, only to be suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of emotion. This ebb and flow is a natural part of how they cope and heal. We support children in understanding that whatever they’re feeling is a natural and valid response to the loss of their loved one. Through activities like art, play, and storytelling, we help children give voice to their grief and see that they’re not alone on their journey. Our goal is to walk alongside them, making sure they know they have a safe, compassionate place to return whenever they need to.”

When a child is grieving, it’s essential that adults address their questions and emotions with empathy and understanding. To help adults better support grieving children, the following principles offer practical guidance for addressing children’s questions and emotions about death and loss.

1. What Happened is Called… — Clearly explain what happened using age-appropriate language.
2. It Wasn’t Caused by Them — Reassure them that they did not cause the illness or death.
3. They Can’t Cure It — Help them understand that it’s not something they can fix.
4. They Will Be Cared For — Assure them that their needs will be met.
5. They Can Stay Connected to Their Loved One — Encourage them to remember and feel connected to their loved one through memories and rituals.

Children’s Grief Awareness Day is a reminder that children need our understanding, patience, and commitment to building a supportive network. Chilliwack Hospice Society is dedicated to ensuring that no child in our community should navigate grief alone. Let’s work together to support the children in our lives, letting them know it’s okay to grieve and that we’re here to walk beside them every step of the way.

David Hughes, Child and Youth Program Manager at Chilliwack Hospice Society, says, “We’re here to help normalize these feelings for children, showing them that mourning is part of love. By validating their grief and encouraging them to express themselves in a way that feels natural, we help them understand that it’s okay to feel sad, confused, angry, or even relieved. Our goal is to provide the tools, support, and safe spaces that let children move through these feelings without judgment or expectation, helping them grow into adults who can carry and honour their love and loss.”

The Child and Youth Program at Chilliwack Hospice Society offers free, low-barrier services tailored to meet the diverse needs of grieving youth, including individual and group support, in-school support, family activities, expressive arts, and equine connections. These programs are made possible by the generous contributions of individuals and businesses within our community, and through support of Chilliwack Hospice Society fundraising events and the Thrifty Boutique.

To learn more about our Child and Youth Program or to donate in honour of Children’s Grief Awareness Day, please call (604) 795-4660 or visit our website at www.chilliwackhospice.org

Chilliwack Hospice Society is a community-based organization that helps individuals and families dealing with dying and death through support, education, and programs that promote wellness and healthy grieving.

Chilliwack Hospice Society has extended its grief support program for children and youth to include video gaming to better accommodate clients who are neurodiverse with the support of a community grant from the Chilliwack Foundation.

According to Child and Youth Program Manager Franceska Hills, over the last several years, the number of child and youth clients with a diagnosis of Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, and other neurodevelopmental disorders have steadily increased at the Society. Hills identified video gaming as an engaging and exciting support model for neurodivergent children. By offering in-person grief support services through video gaming, children who might otherwise feel self-conscious, apprehensive, and isolated can access support in a familiar, low-barrier way tailored to their interests.

By embracing and accommodating neurodivergent kids, we alleviate the pressure of them having to perform like their neurotypical peers, masking who they are and how they feel, and denying their needs, Hills explains. That kind of pressure is exhausting and makes the grieving process even harder.

Through games like Minecraft, children who typically find it uncomfortable and challenging to interact with others, either one-to-one or in a group, can navigate a video game world and feel knowledgeable, successful, and in control.

Promoting opportunities that provide a sense of security is so essential, particularly when a child or youth is grieving because the feeling of having no control is intensified when someone they love has died, Hills says.

A generous Chilliwack Foundation grant in 2023 enabled the Society to purchase a new television screen, Nintendo Switch, games, and bean bag chairs for the programming space dedicated to its youngest grief support clients. Since then, the innovative extension of the Child and Youth Program of combining grief support and emotional development with video gaming has improved accessibility for neurodivergent and neurotypical clients alike.

Connecting with grieving children and youth often appears differently than grief support for adults. Discussions about death, dying, grief, and loss can occur through playful and creative activities wherein children’s and youth’s grief experiences are processed and normalized. The addition of video gaming to existing supports such as art, music, and play, has been exceptionally complementary.

At Chilliwack Hospice Society, one of the organization’s goals is to provide free, low-barrier grief support services through a variety of programs for children and youth. Individual needs are accommodated through one-to-one support, community outreach, in-school support, group support, family activities, and equine connections. All programs and services are offered free of charge because of the generosity of community donors and their support of Chilliwack Hospice Society fundraising events and the Thrifty Boutique.

To learn more about the Child and Youth Program at Chilliwack Hospice Society or to make a donation, please call (604) 795-4660 or visit www.chilliwackhospice.org

Photo by Jesper Brouwers on Unsplash

Each year many of the youngest bereavement support clients at Chilliwack Hospice Society are invited to experience a day of reflection, remembrance, and resilience in the company of gentle giants, the beautiful horses who reside at Freedom Reins Equine Connections in Yarrow and their friends through connections of ranch owner, Dora Isaak. The welcome circle under a tent donated by RE/MAX Nyda Realty, included a game of ‘The North Wind Blows’ which made clear the many commonalities shared, including the loss of someone special, by each of the children present. After which, each child shared a story about the person they were remembering and attached a photo of them to a wall of remembrance. Following some safety instructions from Isaak, children were divided into their groups and sent to their first activity station.

As always, the most popular area was the ring where horseback riding was taking place. Children donned their helmets and riding boots to ride one of the beauties at Freedom Reins, many for the first time. Led by caring volunteers, children placed a heart sticker on the fence or on the horse with their loved one’s name on it. Intimate conversations between horse and rider took place, some tears were shed, and many smiles shone as the children rode around the ring and between obstacles along the course.

Other activities included grooming the horses, painting pictures and words on their bodies, and learning about the emotional intelligence of these incredible animals. Another station for creative expression encouraged children to paint their feelings on canvas and paper. Time for guided reflection was facilitated in the stables where grief was explored through various mediums including Play-Doh, books, rock painting, and more time spent with the calmest, understanding horses.

This year’s event was dedicated to the memory of Hills’ nephew, Andy, who died when he was five-years old. The family of the special boy said in a written statement that he reminded them to “be in the moment, that the ordinary can be special, and that connection with one another is a gift.” In honour of Andy’s great taste, and in support of gathering to grieve and celebrate loved ones who have died, pizza was generously provided by Jim’s Pizzeria, ice cream treats were kindly donated by Superstore and Save-on-Foods (Promontory), and a package of waffle mix was sent home with every family with love from Anita’s Organic Mill.

Equine connections is just one of many programs Chilliwack Hospice Society facilitates for bereaved children and youth in Chilliwack and the surrounding communities. One-to-one supports, in-school outreach, and grief support groups are offered throughout the year to children, pre-teens, and teens free of charge. To learn more about the Chilliwack Hospice Society Child and Youth Program, contact program manager Franceska Hills at (604) 795-4660 or go to https://www.chilliwackhospice.org/programs-and-services/child-and-youth/

The Japanese art of Kintsugi and embraces imperfections and flaws by highlighting the scars with gold.  Using this as a metaphor for healing ourselves teaches us an important lesson: Sometimes in the process of repairing things that have broken, we create something more unique, beautiful, and resilient. To add an extra special touch, a marigold has been planted in each of the repaired pottery vessels.  The marigold was chosen because of its symbolic significance for so many cultures.  Around the world, the marigold is recognized as a symbol of good luck, sunshine, happiness, honoring the ending of things, and accepting the death of a loved one. Marigolds were generously donated by Little Mountain Garden Centre & Florist.

The program curriculum included:

• defining types of grief, factors that affect the grieving process, and what may be helpful when someone is grieving
• practicing active listening and interpersonal communication skills
• learning about different personal values, attitudes and beliefs about death, dying, grief and loss from guest speakers representing Stó:lō and Buddhist backgrounds
• understanding the differences in the cognitive development of children, teens, and adults
• discussing setting and maintaining healthy boundaries as a support person
• best practices for social media use when a peer is grieving a death of someone they love
• volunteer training for facilitating grief support groups for children and youth

Participants also learned about the resources available to them in the community, including the programs and services at Chilliwack Hospice Society, and discussed how they might refer a bereaved classmate for additional support.

Practicum students Caitlin Lidster and Chloe Amos contributed to the weekly discussions offering insights from their experiences.

“I had the wonderful opportunity to participate in the Chilliwack Hospice Society’s Teen group this year as a practicum student. It was amazing to learn and participate alongside the teens during the six sessions together, and I enjoyed listening to all their contributions and thoughtful ideas that they had surrounding the topic of grief. I think that having this group is so important especially for high school aged students. Learning how to provide support for a grieving friend or classmate can make a huge difference in their lives and how they experience grief. Having this group provides the resources for teens to learn more about grief as a whole, and about the different supports and resources that are available to those experiencing grief.” — Chloe Amos

Students also gave their own brief presentations, participated in journaling exercises, games and activities to gain further understanding.

All participants received a certificate recognizing their successful completion of our Teen Grief Peer Support Training and were credited with work experience hours for their high school graduation requirements. We anticipate facilitating another Teen Grief Peer Support Training course in the spring with new students.

If you or someone you know is grieving the loss of a loved one right now, call Chilliwack Hospice Society at (604) 795-4660 or visit www.chilliwackhospice.org to learn more about the one-to-one support, groups and workshops that are currently being offered. Donations are always gratefully accepted at the Thrifty Boutique and online at www.chilliwackhospice.org/donate

Chilliwack Hospice Society child and youth programs manager Franceska “Franny” Hills began visiting students at Vedder Middle School last Spring to talk about their experiences with the death of a caregiver and their unique grieving process. Complementing existing supports in the school system, Chilliwack Hospice Society was able to provide one-to-one sessions for those students within their school schedule over several weeks, free of charge.

Following this positive experience, Hills began introducing herself to administration and counsellors at other schools in the Chilliwack district and is now receiving referrals for students at the elementary, middle, and high school level. Many of these students are grieving the loss of a parent or caregiver; others are grieving the death of a beloved pet, sibling or friend.

“Being present in the schools shows children and youth there is another adult that genuinely cares about their well-being,” says Hills. “Chilliwack Hospice Society services are provided in a safe, confidential space, and offered purely for their benefit.”

Meeting children and youth where they’re at reduces many of the barriers families have accessing grief support such as transportation, finances, and busy schedules with competing priorities. During the COVID-19 pandemic, Chilliwack Hospice Society has changed the way many of its programs and services are delivered, including virtual grief support groups. Facilitating one-to-one grief support sessions in a student’s school rather than requiring them to attend the Society’s office is another example of how the local non-profit has pivoted to fulfill the needs of bereaved individuals in the Chilliwack community.

“We believe no one should have to grieve alone or without support,” says Sue Knott, Executive Director at Chilliwack Hospice Society. “As our organization continues to evolve, we have seen delivering grief support services in the schools bring hope to families who really need it.”

Hills has been invited to speak to classes about death and dying, bereavement and the supports that are available to children and youth who are grieving the loss of a loved one. Next year she is also planning to facilitate small grief support groups for primary and intermediate students, with permission from their caregivers, who have been identified by school staff as requiring additional support.

Grief is a natural reaction to death. It is the normal process that a person experiences after, or in anticipation of, the death of a loved one. Children and youth express grief and loss differently from adults and may have varying responses in different domains; for example, academic, behavioral, emotional, social, and physical. They might find themselves feeling numb and removed from daily life, unable to carry on with regular activities while saddled with their sense of loss. Alternatively, they may not fully experience the felt sense of their loss and carry on with daily life, only for their grief to surface at a later, undetermined time. The type of support that children and youth receive during their bereavement can impact their health, social relationships, and future success in life endeavors.

If you or someone you know is grieving the loss of a loved one right now, call Chilliwack Hospice Society at (604) 795-4660 or visit www.chilliwackhospice.org to learn more about the one-to-one support, groups and workshops that are currently being offered. Donations are always gratefully accepted at the Thrifty Boutique and online at www.chilliwackhospice.org/donate