One in 14 children in Canada will experience the death of a parent or sibling by the age of 18. Childhood grief may present differently from adult grief. Children may not have the vocabulary or emotional tools to fully express their feelings, leading some adults to assume they’re “doing fine.” However, grief in children is often masked by behavioural changes, changes in academic performance, or physical symptoms like stomach aches and headaches. As caregivers, friends, and community members, we need to recognize these signs and provide spaces where children feel safe to explore and express their emotions.

This is where Chilliwack Hospice Society’s Child and Youth Programs comes into play. We offer specialized support designed to help children navigate their grief journey. By engaging in activities such as art, bibliotherapy, and gaming, we provide kids with creative outlets to express their feelings and ask questions in a way that feels safe and natural to them.

Franceska Hills, Child and Youth Program Manager at Chilliwack Hospice Society, explains, “Grief in children often looks very different from grief in adults. It’s sometimes described as puddle jumping — children leap in and out of their grief just like they jump in and out of puddles. One moment, they might dive into their emotions, splashing around in their sadness or confusion, and the next, they hop back out, retreating to a space where they can feel safe and steady again. This cycle repeats, allowing them to process their emotions bit by bit. At times, they may appear untouched by the loss, going about their day as if nothing has changed, only to be suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of emotion. This ebb and flow is a natural part of how they cope and heal. We support children in understanding that whatever they’re feeling is a natural and valid response to the loss of their loved one. Through activities like art, play, and storytelling, we help children give voice to their grief and see that they’re not alone on their journey. Our goal is to walk alongside them, making sure they know they have a safe, compassionate place to return whenever they need to.”

When a child is grieving, it’s essential that adults address their questions and emotions with empathy and understanding. To help adults better support grieving children, the following principles offer practical guidance for addressing children’s questions and emotions about death and loss.

1. What Happened is Called… — Clearly explain what happened using age-appropriate language.
2. It Wasn’t Caused by Them — Reassure them that they did not cause the illness or death.
3. They Can’t Cure It — Help them understand that it’s not something they can fix.
4. They Will Be Cared For — Assure them that their needs will be met.
5. They Can Stay Connected to Their Loved One — Encourage them to remember and feel connected to their loved one through memories and rituals.

Children’s Grief Awareness Day is a reminder that children need our understanding, patience, and commitment to building a supportive network. Chilliwack Hospice Society is dedicated to ensuring that no child in our community should navigate grief alone. Let’s work together to support the children in our lives, letting them know it’s okay to grieve and that we’re here to walk beside them every step of the way.

David Hughes, Child and Youth Program Manager at Chilliwack Hospice Society, says, “We’re here to help normalize these feelings for children, showing them that mourning is part of love. By validating their grief and encouraging them to express themselves in a way that feels natural, we help them understand that it’s okay to feel sad, confused, angry, or even relieved. Our goal is to provide the tools, support, and safe spaces that let children move through these feelings without judgment or expectation, helping them grow into adults who can carry and honour their love and loss.”

The Child and Youth Program at Chilliwack Hospice Society offers free, low-barrier services tailored to meet the diverse needs of grieving youth, including individual and group support, in-school support, family activities, expressive arts, and equine connections. These programs are made possible by the generous contributions of individuals and businesses within our community, and through support of Chilliwack Hospice Society fundraising events and the Thrifty Boutique.

To learn more about our Child and Youth Program or to donate in honour of Children’s Grief Awareness Day, please call (604) 795-4660 or visit our website at www.chilliwackhospice.org

Chilliwack Hospice Society is a community-based organization that helps individuals and families dealing with dying and death through support, education, and programs that promote wellness and healthy grieving.

Chilliwack Hospice Society has extended its grief support program for children and youth to include video gaming to better accommodate clients who are neurodiverse with the support of a community grant from the Chilliwack Foundation.

According to Child and Youth Program Manager Franceska Hills, over the last several years, the number of child and youth clients with a diagnosis of Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, and other neurodevelopmental disorders have steadily increased at the Society. Hills identified video gaming as an engaging and exciting support model for neurodivergent children. By offering in-person grief support services through video gaming, children who might otherwise feel self-conscious, apprehensive, and isolated can access support in a familiar, low-barrier way tailored to their interests.

By embracing and accommodating neurodivergent kids, we alleviate the pressure of them having to perform like their neurotypical peers, masking who they are and how they feel, and denying their needs, Hills explains. That kind of pressure is exhausting and makes the grieving process even harder.

Through games like Minecraft, children who typically find it uncomfortable and challenging to interact with others, either one-to-one or in a group, can navigate a video game world and feel knowledgeable, successful, and in control.

Promoting opportunities that provide a sense of security is so essential, particularly when a child or youth is grieving because the feeling of having no control is intensified when someone they love has died, Hills says.

A generous Chilliwack Foundation grant in 2023 enabled the Society to purchase a new television screen, Nintendo Switch, games, and bean bag chairs for the programming space dedicated to its youngest grief support clients. Since then, the innovative extension of the Child and Youth Program of combining grief support and emotional development with video gaming has improved accessibility for neurodivergent and neurotypical clients alike.

Connecting with grieving children and youth often appears differently than grief support for adults. Discussions about death, dying, grief, and loss can occur through playful and creative activities wherein children’s and youth’s grief experiences are processed and normalized. The addition of video gaming to existing supports such as art, music, and play, has been exceptionally complementary.

At Chilliwack Hospice Society, one of the organization’s goals is to provide free, low-barrier grief support services through a variety of programs for children and youth. Individual needs are accommodated through one-to-one support, community outreach, in-school support, group support, family activities, and equine connections. All programs and services are offered free of charge because of the generosity of community donors and their support of Chilliwack Hospice Society fundraising events and the Thrifty Boutique.

To learn more about the Child and Youth Program at Chilliwack Hospice Society or to make a donation, please call (604) 795-4660 or visit www.chilliwackhospice.org

Photo by Jesper Brouwers on Unsplash