One in 14 children in Canada will experience the death of a parent or sibling by the age of 18. Childhood grief may present differently from adult grief. Children may not have the vocabulary or emotional tools to fully express their feelings, leading some adults to assume they’re “doing fine.” However, grief in children is often masked by behavioural changes, changes in academic performance, or physical symptoms like stomach aches and headaches. As caregivers, friends, and community members, we need to recognize these signs and provide spaces where children feel safe to explore and express their emotions.

This is where Chilliwack Hospice Society’s Child and Youth Programs comes into play. We offer specialized support designed to help children navigate their grief journey. By engaging in activities such as art, bibliotherapy, and gaming, we provide kids with creative outlets to express their feelings and ask questions in a way that feels safe and natural to them.

Franceska Hills, Child and Youth Program Manager at Chilliwack Hospice Society, explains, “Grief in children often looks very different from grief in adults. It’s sometimes described as puddle jumping — children leap in and out of their grief just like they jump in and out of puddles. One moment, they might dive into their emotions, splashing around in their sadness or confusion, and the next, they hop back out, retreating to a space where they can feel safe and steady again. This cycle repeats, allowing them to process their emotions bit by bit. At times, they may appear untouched by the loss, going about their day as if nothing has changed, only to be suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of emotion. This ebb and flow is a natural part of how they cope and heal. We support children in understanding that whatever they’re feeling is a natural and valid response to the loss of their loved one. Through activities like art, play, and storytelling, we help children give voice to their grief and see that they’re not alone on their journey. Our goal is to walk alongside them, making sure they know they have a safe, compassionate place to return whenever they need to.”

When a child is grieving, it’s essential that adults address their questions and emotions with empathy and understanding. To help adults better support grieving children, the following principles offer practical guidance for addressing children’s questions and emotions about death and loss.

1. What Happened is Called… — Clearly explain what happened using age-appropriate language.
2. It Wasn’t Caused by Them — Reassure them that they did not cause the illness or death.
3. They Can’t Cure It — Help them understand that it’s not something they can fix.
4. They Will Be Cared For — Assure them that their needs will be met.
5. They Can Stay Connected to Their Loved One — Encourage them to remember and feel connected to their loved one through memories and rituals.

Children’s Grief Awareness Day is a reminder that children need our understanding, patience, and commitment to building a supportive network. Chilliwack Hospice Society is dedicated to ensuring that no child in our community should navigate grief alone. Let’s work together to support the children in our lives, letting them know it’s okay to grieve and that we’re here to walk beside them every step of the way.

David Hughes, Child and Youth Program Manager at Chilliwack Hospice Society, says, “We’re here to help normalize these feelings for children, showing them that mourning is part of love. By validating their grief and encouraging them to express themselves in a way that feels natural, we help them understand that it’s okay to feel sad, confused, angry, or even relieved. Our goal is to provide the tools, support, and safe spaces that let children move through these feelings without judgment or expectation, helping them grow into adults who can carry and honour their love and loss.”

The Child and Youth Program at Chilliwack Hospice Society offers free, low-barrier services tailored to meet the diverse needs of grieving youth, including individual and group support, in-school support, family activities, expressive arts, and equine connections. These programs are made possible by the generous contributions of individuals and businesses within our community, and through support of Chilliwack Hospice Society fundraising events and the Thrifty Boutique.

To learn more about our Child and Youth Program or to donate in honour of Children’s Grief Awareness Day, please call (604) 795-4660 or visit our website at www.chilliwackhospice.org

Chilliwack Hospice Society is a community-based organization that helps individuals and families dealing with dying and death through support, education, and programs that promote wellness and healthy grieving.

The goals of this significant day are to raise awareness of the impact of death on children and the benefits of support, to increase understanding of the unique needs of grieving children, and to make resources available to those who are grieving or supporting a young person who is.

According to the Canadian Alliance for Grieving Children and Youth, one in 14 children in Canada will experience the death of a parent or sibling by the time they turn 18 years of age. Countless more will cope with the loss of a close grandparent, friend, or pet. Childhood bereavement can have a substantial impact on a child’s emotional and cognitive development as they re-grieve meaningful losses again and again with every significant milestone. Without adequate support, children may face mental health challenges and difficulties coping with death in the future.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, author of Companioning The Grieving Child: A Soulful Guide for Caregivers, said that “any child that is old enough to love is old enough to mourn.” Children grieve differently than adults, jumping in and out of their grief like puddles. Sadly, grieving children often feel alone, misunderstood, and different than their classmates. As a result, they end up masking their feelings and prolonging their pain. Every school and community have children who have experienced some type of loss.

On Children’s Grief Awareness Day, we recognize the needs of grieving children in our community and advocate for their support all year long. The importance of providing children with information on grief, as well as normalizing their responses, and encouraging them to share their thoughts and feelings, could not be more evident. We must seek to create spaces where children can feel secure in expressing their grief and genuinely mourn.

At Chilliwack Hospice Society, our goal is to provide free, low-barrier grief support services through a variety of programs for children and youth. We accommodate individual needs through one-to-one support, community outreach, in-school support, group support, family activities, and equine connections.

Chilliwack Hospice Society cares for the whole family. In this new video, Child and Youth Program Manager, Franceska Hills, offers a glimpse into the important work she does to support our youngest clients. Listen as some of our kids and their grownups share their personal experiences with Chilliwack Hospice Society.

To learn more about the Child and Youth Program at Chilliwack Hospice Society or to donate in honour of Children’s Grief Awareness Day, please call (604) 795-4660 or visit www.chilliwackhospice.org

References
Canadian Alliance for Children’s Grief. Children’s Grief Awareness Day. n.d. 10 November 2023. <https://www.grievingchildrencanada.org/index.php/children-s-grief-awareness-day>.

Caring Foundation. About. 2023. 10 November 2023. <https://www.childrensgriefawarenessday.org/cgad2/about/index.shtml>.

The Children’s Grief Foundation of Canada. Who We Are. 2023. 10 November 2023. <https://childrensgrieffoundation.org/#about>.